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Posts
My 21 Months Of Hell.
Those of you who know me, have been reading my blog you may have discovered that I am currently suffering depression. Tracing it back, I'd say it started on January 21st 2011 when issues starting to crop up with my then girlfriend Melissa. Since then, to add to prevent me from getting better, I have suffered friends betrayal, the continued mental abuse from a father who ended up attempting to destroy my family and whom had drilled into my head that I was not an adequate son. A car accident which totalled off my car, including a legal battle which is ongoing from November. My Dad had an affair and left the family, breaking my mum's heart. This lead to Shiya, my dog, to have fallen ill and eventually she passed away after a long time suffering. One of my best friends moved out of the flat. Then the person who was to replace her bailed. I've looked into the face of suicide and struggled to come out the other side. The depression has affected my work, which I had to quite...
Back to University.
In 12 hours time I will be making my way back to university to start my final year, and I've got mixed emotions about this. I'm happy to have more things to keep my mind off of the depression and sadness that lies within me, and excited to get my IP and dissertation truly going, but then on the other hand, I can't keep acting and pretending everything is okay whilst I'm in university. Because it's too much. I was hoping to be so much better going into my third year, and if anything I'm worse than I was this time last year, and just as bad as I was at the beginning of 2012.
Post to no one.
Do you ever look around and wonder to yourself, just how did I get in this mess? Well that's how I feel about pretty much everything going on right now. The depression won't go away, and I don't want to get to a place where I try to kill myself again. But you find yourself looking around and the reasons not to seem to dwindle. All except my mum, my sisters, and Diesel. So where do I start? We'll talk about work first. I've got a job as a student warden at halls, and amongst the requirements they want us students to sort out freshers week. After working my first shift with one of the tutor wardens (who can say yay or nay on events) we managed to get a good 2 weeks freshers and since then I've been working my arse off getting everything sorted. I've been trying to use it as a distraction. To stop spending each day remembering you're a waste of life. But even such a productive situation has been causing shit. People thinking I'm taking over, s...
