#YellowChocolate

For anyone who has read this blog for a long time, my dreams used to be an important part of it! And then life got in the way, so here's a couple of my previously recorded dreams for your entertainment; XXV (16th September 2011) A big family gathering at what looked like Christiaan’s old bungalow but with a much larger gardn. Elly, Kelly, Nanny Ould, Leah, Ryan. Dad, Mum, Me, Vicky, Nan, and Charlotte were all there and discussing stuff in the back of the garden in the sun. Dad was reminding me of memories and mum was ranting about something to do with cars because she got drunk. Some randomers were around too. These two guys were my friends, and we kept getting attention from girls. They kept sitting on the arms of the chairs I was sitting on, and I kissed one of them before drinking shots with them. XXVI (17th September 2011) In a bedroom in a boat talking to loads of new freshers and getting to know their names as the only second year there. There’s ...

This is a poem that I wrote around this time in 2012, when things were at one of the lowest points I've ever encountered. It is about how I felt from being bullied at school to when I began to grow up afterwards. Everyone always said to rise above it because you're the better person, it took me far too long to realise why. Take this advice from someone who’s been bullied their whole childhood The knife, the drugs, the alcohol, don’t do any good All the things they did are not taken away It’s all a game to them and they expect you to play Some people say that they are insecure That they have unresolved feelings, still too raw But we know it’s not true, those of us who have suffered They’ve a thirst to prove they’re the ones that a tougher Good or bad doesn’t come into it in the end Because you’ll always find they’re the ones with more friends But here’s a thought, to help you survive You’re stronger than them from your own experiences in life ...

Okay, So I went out last night as a bit of a tester of how I'd react to alcohol after the last few weeks and everything, and it seemed to go okay, until my toe got kicked back by Marvyn, and bent my nail back, so I ended up having to go to A&E, and got it bent back... It bloody kills. Other than that, it was nice to have a few hours where I just forgot everything! I did also like being dressed as a Ringmaster, even if everyone did think I was a Matador... Anyway, I'm now exhausted because I still can't sleep, and my toe hurts so I'm staying in bed...

31st December... How 2011 has flown past! Seems like only yesterday I was happy in 2010. With the worst year nearly over I'm looking forward to making 2012 my year. It starts by the very difficult return to university and I believe the first month will be the hardest. But after January I should be able to get back on my feet. So here's my new years resolutions for 2012...Yes most of them are the same as 2011, but considering I failed them it's time for a new attempt. I'm going to print these out and put them in my room and remember every day what I need to do.  I also need to add 9. Be a Nicer person. I can fight this.