In Ruins

I'm having the worst time at the moment.

There's so many reasons why I am so unhappy. I don't want to let them out because I don't want anyone to
A) worry
or
B) think I'm being stupid.

Plus, I just recently found there was one person I could speak to about anything, and not worry about what they thought...But she dumped me. It was hard enough telling her anything because I don't like people knowing things about me. It makes me feel more vulnerable, and I already know the false words that anyone will say.

So I've locked myself in my room and I'm not talking to anyone, whilst listening to sad music. I'm fed up of being the douche bag that ruins everyone's moods. I'd much rather them forget about me and have a good weekend, and I can cry 15 hours of the day in solitude without making them worry about me. I care about my friends more than I care about me and I don't want to be the one bringing worry or sadness in their lives.

I haven't seen anyone since my sister left Friday night, and I had a nice time. I'm living off chocolate cookies, crisps, sweet and cheese and crackers until I can bring myself to see people again.

Until I know that I can lie once again and pretend that everything is Okay. And let the world go round the way it should.

And yes, I realise I am being a twat feeling like this and I should just get over it…


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