#YellowChocolate

Amongst other things, I bought a Wreck This Journal the other day to keep me occupied. It's amazing, everyone should have one! Basically each page gives you something to do to deface the journal! I'll keep you updated!

I'm fed up of being this pathetic excuse for a human being. I'm sick of not being able to deal with the issues at hand. I'm tired of trying to be strong and failing in everything I do. I'm annoyed that I can't get over everything that's happened because I can't deal with it all. I don't want to keep feeling like this and not being able to hide it. I want to at least be distracted.

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument Literally like the only thing I can play, and I probably can't anymore... day 27 - a song that you wish you could play day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty day 29 - a song from your childhood   day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

So today was the first day of our 16mm drama shoot, and it went surprisingly well! We have an awesome crew who all have worked so hard and two great actors which have brought the script to a new level. I am very happy with the work we'e all put in and it's finally starting to come together. I am however, ridiculously tired because I'm still not sleeping and starting to have long working days. Even when the filming is over, I still have producer stuff to do, and to look after my actors. Just cooked so much pasta for lunch tomorrow as well! ARRGHHH! I also feel like I've got so much to do and too little time. On The Edge

So next week is the week of filming our 16mm drama project that I am producing. I've been very busy the last couple of weeks sorting it out and I've still got so much more to do! To be honest though because of everything that's been going on I'm proud of anything I get done. We've seen the location which is perfect, it's St. Michaels Community Centre in Salisbury. We've got our two actors, the paperwork is getting done, so it's all slowly piecing together!  I went home this weekend to get my car but I wasn't back for long which is a shame. I really miss my famalam and needed them. Especially my dogs, they're unconditional love is something I need at a time like this. I wish I could've stayed there for longer but not only did I have to return back to get loads of work done, but I also can't just run back home when things get tough. But yeah, that's my life so far, all just work related. I'm resigning from BHS because ...

So since I've hurt my toe things have been crazy. For the first few days it hurt too much to walk so I had to miss uni, which was very annoying. I struggled to walk around the house etc and the weekend pretty much saw the same apart from an awful limp to McDonalds, but it was definitely worth it for a big tasty with bacon. I couldn't go in on Monday because I just felt awful and I couldn't do anything productive, but yesterday saw the complete opposite. Got so much sorted in my life and with work, including a 4 1/2 hour production meeting sorting out what shots we're going to do for our new project. On the phone to talk talk, sorting out appointments, trying to sort out my solicitors, and then I collapsed on my bed and fell asleep for a couple of hours. I was hoping that doing all this would make me feel a bit better, but it didn't. Keep having really bad nights sleep. I keep having weird dreams and nightmares which keep waking me up and it's really st...

Okay, So I went out last night as a bit of a tester of how I'd react to alcohol after the last few weeks and everything, and it seemed to go okay, until my toe got kicked back by Marvyn, and bent my nail back, so I ended up having to go to A&E, and got it bent back... It bloody kills. Other than that, it was nice to have a few hours where I just forgot everything! I did also like being dressed as a Ringmaster, even if everyone did think I was a Matador... Anyway, I'm now exhausted because I still can't sleep, and my toe hurts so I'm staying in bed...