Life is a bitch, so make it your bitch.

Okay, it's been quite a while since I last posted anything of meaning, because things have been so repetitive I didn't want to keep boring you with all the shit. So, where do I start?

I guess the first thing to mention is that I am home at the moment, with the family. My girls are going strong, and although my Mum is ill, all's good at home. I am enjoying spending some time with them, and of course, being looked after a bit! Although it's really weird, and upsetting Shiya not being here. I did some gardening today, but I'm too fat to do it for too long. I also got to catch up with Abbie today at long last, which was good, she's such a good friend.

Next, exercise or friends? I'll go to exercise first. What with the brilliant and fantastic effort of London 2012, I really want to get back into exercising, and Leanne made me go swimming with her on Monday, making me really want to lose this major amount of weight I have gained within the last few months. I've been binge eating and need to get out of the rut. I'm hopefully going swimming tomorrow too. Stab the flab.

Friends, yes, I'm catching up with some Reading friends over the coming days, and have been trying to sort out everything in Salisbury. With my depression, I haven't been very good at seeing other people, and my lack of effort has been reciprocated and many friendships have dwindled down and need improvement and more effort on both parts. I am striving to sort this out, but things are very difficult at the moment, like always, and I need to meet halfway, which for some (and if you're reading this I very much doubt it's you before you get a little paranoid), seems to be too much. Which shows how much your friends really care about you as a person, not just a source of laughter.

But saying that, I've had some really great catch-ups lately; Leanne, Sara etc and it's been really good to get back in the swing of things. And at the end of the day, I've got my brilliant girlfriend Sophie :)

But getting back in the swing of things is harder than you think. Constant paranoia and distrust, your mind persuading you you're surrounded by lies and going to be let down. Knowing lies and being led down not helping such matters. Breakdowns and confusion, sadness and illusions. Lack of confidence. All such things hidden with acting and illusions. It's really not a good situation to be in. I've been a mess for a long time, and I'm sick of it. sick sick sick. 

And still there's many things in my life that need sorting, and as always it's just a bit too much. Someone come dig me out.

And don't even get me started on work experience.