Getting things off my chest.

My life at the moment seems to suck balls. I've been working loads and with really shit/long hours so I'm tired and stressed out all the time. Everything is bugging me at the moment. I'm worried about getting this flat sorted but I need to sort a bank account out but I need my lecturers to send me a letter proving i'm going into my second year. I'm not sleeping properly at the moment which sucks. I'm feeling lonelier than ever, and I'm too much of a loser, have too little confidence to do anything about it. I'm poor. I've had a massive argument with my sister and the thing that pissed me off the most about it was when she had a go at me because I don't make much of an effort with her boyfriend. I do have a reason for this.

I was bullied ALOT when I was at school, and it was from the popular kids. They bullied me because they thought I was gay. This made all the guys in my year not want to be friends with me because they didn't want to be bullied. This made it very difficult to make friends with guys, and, after I left school, because I didn't really have any guy mates, I didn't really know what to do/say when I did. Now it's not so bad, because I have more guy friends, who aren't so judgemental. But this is how I feel with Jeremy. I have no idea what to talk about, because he's a blokey bloke, and none of my guy friends are exactly like that.

At the moment I just need someone to talk to, to let this all out. I don't want to use a blog for that. I know I have friends who I can talk to, but they're scattered all over the country and all I want right now is a hug from one of them. I miss hugs.

So at the moment I feel at an all time low, I'm hoping to cheer up by Saturday to go see Melissa. I want to go so bad, but feeling like this, I'd ruin her birthday.